By; Alex Crowder
I once had a pet dragon. But dragon’s are not real, so really I had a pet rock. But since it was not a rock and was, in fact, a dragon it took me for rides in the wide open air. But since there is no wide open air due to commercial airlines and No-Fly zones, it really took me for a stroll around the park. But since the park was bulldozed last month to make way for the new Nike headquarters, It actually did take me for a ride in the wide open air. Up there I confirmed my belief in magic, though I was told very much later that magic does not exist and that I should stop trying to curse my school mates. And since Bobby actually did get Ebola I believe that it was a fluke and not my dancing around a circle covered in rabbits blood that did it. Anyway my dragon loved to take me flying, but it couldn’t fly for long due to it being a rock, but not a rock a dragon. So we touched down at the more scenic places such as Las Vegas in order to see the Grand Canyons, and the to Beer Factory to see their rendition of Niagara Falls. It was beautiful, or at least it said it was beautiful. I failed to ask for an ID and I don’t think that my word will hold up in court. I knew I should have asked for insurance at the time, but honestly I was under the influence and didn’t think that it would come to this. One time as we were flying we hit a sky bum. It was strange, I didn’t realize that they asked for change at ten thousand feet, but what was really strange was that once we had hit him all he did was say, “God Bless.” At least I’m pretty sure that’s what he said. We never did stop to see if he was alright, which is fine because there are no bums at ten thousand feet, even though there are, but none that the crime scene investigation labs will be able to find. My pet dragon’s name was Cynthia, which is silly because he was a boy. But he wasn’t a boy because his name was Cynthia which is a strange name to give a rock. It’s alright though because he took me to a special place that he said we could go to together, but that was a long time ago and I’d like to leave now. Cynthia dropped me off and said he’d be back later, but he didn’t come back, because rocks don’t leave unless you throw them, But Cynthia wasn’t a rock at all. I wonder where he went because I’m lonely and CBS has yet to start broadcasting directly to my mind. ABC Family does, but I think I could do without that one for a while. I wish someone would come get me.
…I hate padded walls.